Well I liked it.
The style you are going for is a tricky one that takes lots of practice to get good at.
The snapiness and rhythm will evolve as you do trial and error of different elements. For a first time attempt at this style, I'd say you're off to a great start.
Some people are set in their ways and won't like it and alot of what's in this story goes against everything we have been taught as news photogs.
Way to shake things up and get out of the standard wide, medium, tight, formula for a change.
And I have first hand knowledge of how much of a dump Cape Coral is, so that helped me in understanding your story.