Golf Course Natpak

A

AKinDC

Well-known member
When I saw it was as golf pkg, my first thought was, "bet he's gonna start with a tight shot of a ball being hit off a tee."
Yup.
That's neither good not bad, it's just a really predictable way to start the piece.
On a whole, it was nicely shot and edited, good nats. My problem with the piece is more editorial, in that it seemed more like a commercial for the golf course than a news story.
Why is this news? Why did it go from public to private? How long has it been private? Any controversy? Any of the members unhappy? We need some sort of a hook to make it pkg worthy.
 
Deft Depth

Deft Depth

Active member
Damn dude! Lurk much? ;)

Very nice sequencing in this piece. There was nothing jarring about the way you changed angles several times during mid-swings. I liked your use of nats interlaced with sots from the many golfers playing on the course; it told a good story, though I would agree with the poster above that it lacked a sense of news value.

I did feel like it dragged a little bit in parts...specifically around the
:50 second mark. Perhaps a little too much space inbetween nat pops and sots.

Otherwise nice work!
 
Canonman

Canonman

Well-known member
I agree, sounded more like an informercial segment than a news piece. There seemed to be no reason communicated for doing the story. I did like it from a technical standpoint.

cm
 
Patrick Manwiller

Patrick Manwiller

Member
Thanks for all the critiques so far. This story was thrown in my lap a 10 minutes before needing to leave to shoot it. I tried to come up with a hook, and I see it also that I failed miserably in making it a newsworthy pak, rather than a commercial. Thanks again for the critique.
 
nguyen.jason

nguyen.jason

Active member
I hope this aired during a golf segment. I didn't read everyones else comments yet but this is what I got. Again, I like the fact that you use alot of nats. I understand this is a nat pkg but you really load your pkgs with them which is great. Some of them to me were alittle long at times. I just didn't really like looking at peoples knees, that really got to me after awhile. You had alot of people talking in and out of the pkg. It would have been nice to see them once and a while. You had the women and the one guy thats all I remember. But while people where swinging it would have been nice to get a tight of there face and then see them say "its going to fall to the right..." A couple tights of peoples hands would have been cool too. I really didn't understand the last shot. I saw the two people down the course but it took me a while. I was thinking i was going to see someone tee up and swing or something like that. I enjoyed the piece and thought you did a good job which what you had. Keep up the good work.
 
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