Looking for feedback

[Wutangmaster]

Ok take of the handcuffs and let me know what you think. This story was shot, written, and edited by me and need some fresh ideas about my stories. Tell me what ya think because I don't care about my feelings, just looking to get better.
http://www.b-roll.net/tv/view_video.php?viewkey=d5e71834b1db77dfa15d

 

[Hank Scorpio]

I only have one observation.

Your suprise of it being a game in prison was blown immediately when we saw a blurred out face before we saw the EXT of the prison.

It took me one second to figure out the whole story before the meat of it was revealed.

Maybe just show tights of faces that you can show mixed with bouncing balls and shoe shots.

Just an idea...

 

[NEWSSHOOTER3]

Nice.

I thought you and your reporter worked well together on this story. I, for one, did not know it was a prison, and enjoyed the rarely well-done reveal. The only thing I'll say is, maybe a few more quick nat hits, like shoes squeaking, ball through the net, that kind of thing. But that's just me being really picky. This was a good story.