After watching that nat pkg, here are a few things to work on:
- Keep an eye on your pacing. There's no need to dissolve unless the pacing calls for it. Instead use quick tight shots with nats to transition. This also helps the viewer pay attention to your story.
- Don't forget wide, medium, tight and Extreme tight/wide. These are very important storytelling shots that I believe were not in your story.
-As others have noted, watch your iris. That shot of the Indian chasing kids should not have been used.
-I liked the opening shot. How many times did they shoot that canon off? If the answer is more than once, I would have liked to see a tight shot of the canon being fired/loaded with nats to start the pkg.
-Also, don't forget that storytelling is beginning/middle/end.
-One thing that has helped me is when I go on a shoot, I focus on one aspect of my shooting that I want to improve. For example, tomorrow I will take extra effort to move my wireless mic around more than usual. Then next day I'll take extra effort to make sure all my shots are rock steady. This thought process should never change and you should always be striving towards perfection (which you/me will almost never meet).
Overall, I think you did a good enough job to keep me watching for about half the story. I turned it off after the overexposed shot. Keep working, your best story should always be the next one.