Not sure where to begin.
I feel like since I don't live near Roswell, I can't answer "what makes me care about this story?" To get an idea for a critique, I simply watch first; read later. A lot of photogs use the post to make excuses for things they didn't do correctly, so I typically go video first, then read. I did the same when I was hiring photogs.. watch the tape first, then read the resume. That didn't work here because your back story was critical to understanding this package. That said, given the lengthy back story, the package should still be able to stand on its own, without the need to explain everything else.
Structure: The pack had a beginning, middle, and end. The end kind of just happens, with Mr. Anecdote telling the crowd that they are what America is all about. At first I thought that guy was your reporter because he was holding your stick mic. Very confusing and furthermore troubling if that indeed was your reporter. Perhaps you didn't have a lav to stick on that guy while he preached, I understand that. I wouldn't hand the mic to someone else to hold though.. and if I did, I definitely wouldn't show him holding it while framing the shot. Picture that shot you had up while he was talking, wide so you could see the crowd around him.. that shot works if he's not holding your cabled stick mic. How do you make it work if the cable and stick mic are all you've got? You push in and frame him up around heads and faces of people in the crowd. Fill the frame with a bunch of blurry heads with one head in focus and talking and you'll have the same effect. You obviously lead into that tightly shot SOT with a wide shot of the crowd gathered around those officers (I assume those guys to his right were the officers.. again, unclear.. that could be clarified in the writing).
The key to the story is that the council reinstates the officers. The key sound is the town secretary telling the crowd that the officers are reinstated. The key video is the crowd reaction shot. This is what takes us from the middle of the story to the end. You need to get us to this point by building a little tension. You did this, but only marginally. You show us a town without police officers.. you show us police cars all parked at the PD because there aren't any officers to patrol and keep the town safe.. you get sound with a resident at their home on the stoop who is outraged that they pay their taxes yet have no police department to show for it. I mean, how big is Cactus? I've never even heard of it. I can't imagine they are swimming in excess police officers. I hear that four of them quit, and I feel like that's at least 50% of their police force. Maybe I'm way off.. That's a beginning, though.
You have now established tension that will later be resolved. Excellent.
For the middle you show people packing the parking lot, *nat sound of car engines as people slowly try to park in the packed parking lot* - a very quick SOT about how many people are here - *car door slams closed* - *feet shuffling in* - Reporter sets the stage for the meeting. All of this can happen in 5 to 7 seconds. You have now 'nat transitioned' to the middle of the piece. Use the difficult wording of the reinstatement resolution to add more tension and use some angry citizen sound.. and finally.. the key to the story.. sound from the city secretary stating the officers have been reinstated, nat explosion of happy applause, close ups of happy faces (maybe the officers themselves). Now take us outside for the ending..
Happy SOTs from citizens, police officers.. Hey, if you're lucky enough (of if you learned who was attending the meeting beforehand) that upset citizen you talked with on their stoop in the beginning of the story came out to the meeting and you can get their honest reaction now.. Thus bringing us full circle, a sense of ending to this story. Dissolve out with a super-wide of a crowd gathered in a group outside of a building with the sunset sky overhead with your happy nats or a happy quick SOT underneath.
Nothing goes perfectly to plan, but having a plan makes a huge difference. The guy with glasses who preached to the crowd, I would cut that out entirely in favor for some good reaction SOTs. This feels like you went to a meeting, shot meeting video, shot SOTs in the parking lot, and left (or possibly stayed for your live shot). This doesn't feel the least bit structured. That's where it falls flat for me.
Things to work on:
1] Blend your nats. You have a SOT near the beginning with a woman in the council chamber and then cut to a shot of the crowd where a lady stands up and says 'this is stupid'. Your sound just forces its way in out of nowhere.. use envelopes.. fade, ramp, whatever you want to call it. If you're tape-to-tape, it's still do-able.. I did it in market 39, you can do it. Just work on it.
2] Here is your edit sequence.. (W = Wide; M = Medium; T = Tight; X = Super Tight)
M, M, M, W, T, M, W, T, X, M, X, M, W, M, M, W, W, M, M, W, M, M, M, M
Wide = 6
Medium = 14
Tight = 2
Super Tight = 2
I see a lot of mediums here. Shoot more tight and super tight shots in your day-to-day.. you'll find editing to be much easier and your stories (and reel) will benefit as well. Remember, cutting M to M, W to W, T to T, or X to X rarely looks good. Also notice I didn't list Super Wide in your sequence.. that's because there weren't any. Get away from the crowd, cross the street, climb that hill.. Try to shoot one super wide a day (at the very least) and you'll soon see how usable those shots can be in the edit bay (or the SUV, Live Truck, Sat Truck, Starbucks, wherever you edit).
Positives:
1] Your tight and super tight shots on concerned faces conveyed their frustrations. Excellent.
2] You rolled on the moment and captured it. The police radio nearly ruined it, but the applause afterward saves the moment.
3] You shot the reaction shot of the crowd after reinstatement and used their nats to segue outside. Good.
Things to watch out for:
1] When you reverse a shot in your edit system, let's say, to move a talking head from the left side of the screen to the right, remember that everything else in the frame is going to be reversed as well, including stop signs and street signs. You couldn't flip the UTEP guy because he had a UTEP hat on and that would have just been way too obvious, but you flipped the other guy and the stop sign and one-way sign stick out to me as someone who is critiquing your composition. Never rely on your NLE to allow you to flip it and fix it.. just go with it, cover part of the SOTs with video if you need to. You can't predict which SOTs your reporter may use back to back, but if you vary the left/right composition along with focal lengths, instead of 2 different looks, you'll have at least 6. This gives you better odds. Also, talk to your reporter about that. They want the product to look good as well, right? There is always another SOT that works at these council meetings.
2] There is a (crooked) cutaway of your reporter interviewing a lady in purple. Your reporter is slouching and hunched down (presumably because the lady is short) and his left hand is in his pocket. He just looks bad in that shot. Every reporter at my station would kill me if that shot made it into the package. It's as simple as reminding your reporter to stand up straight and look more concerned than casual in the cutaway. I have a reporter who likes to wear her sunglasses on her head when we go indoors. Do you think those shades make it into the package? They do not.
A little pre-planning and structure makes a lot of difference in a story. Just hash it out with the reporter before you get there and make the most out of a boring meeting story with as little meeting video as possible and you'll be on the right track.
