SeattleShooter
Well-known member
I have had this list for four years wanting to type it out. So enjoy for 98% of it is true.
Things the movies have taught me.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through the town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a women but only the waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least on stick of French bread.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If an imminent natural disaster, or a killer beast threatens you town, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a women tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in the most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. (Passwords are always the name of dead children or lovers and are this easily circumvented.)
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning even thought their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames. You can also make the tires squaw and squeal when turning corners even if you are on a dirt road.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. They also had nothing better to do then to stand by the roadside and answer questions put to them by passersby.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, but people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from lest to right ever few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication system of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
If you are wearing a hat, it will NEVER fall off. Even if you get socked in the jaw, fall from a plane, or tumble down a set of stairs. And, if your hat should fall off, it will miraculously reappear on your head moments later.
If you loan your car keys or room key to a friend, they will be blown up by a bomb that was meant for you.
Never, ever go up to someone you have just shot to see if they are dead. They never are and will jump up and shoot you. You should always deliver a headshot to someone you’ve downed just to make sure.
If you hear ominous music playing, you are in some kind of danger and should leave the area immediately.
When driving your car at night, your face will appear to be illuminated by some kind of strange lighting system on the floorboard.
If someone says, “I’ll be back!†you should step away from any windows or doors.
You can get away with being sarcastic and witting without someone punching you in the face.
If someone peers over a newspaper at you in a bus station you should shoot them because they’re probably going to cause you trouble later.
It is possible to run away from an explosion.
If you jump off a building chances are you’ll land in a neatly stacked pile of cardboard boxes or a dump truck full of sawdust.
Things the movies have taught me.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through the town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a women but only the waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least on stick of French bread.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If an imminent natural disaster, or a killer beast threatens you town, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a women tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in the most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. (Passwords are always the name of dead children or lovers and are this easily circumvented.)
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning even thought their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames. You can also make the tires squaw and squeal when turning corners even if you are on a dirt road.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. They also had nothing better to do then to stand by the roadside and answer questions put to them by passersby.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, but people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from lest to right ever few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication system of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
If you are wearing a hat, it will NEVER fall off. Even if you get socked in the jaw, fall from a plane, or tumble down a set of stairs. And, if your hat should fall off, it will miraculously reappear on your head moments later.
If you loan your car keys or room key to a friend, they will be blown up by a bomb that was meant for you.
Never, ever go up to someone you have just shot to see if they are dead. They never are and will jump up and shoot you. You should always deliver a headshot to someone you’ve downed just to make sure.
If you hear ominous music playing, you are in some kind of danger and should leave the area immediately.
When driving your car at night, your face will appear to be illuminated by some kind of strange lighting system on the floorboard.
If someone says, “I’ll be back!†you should step away from any windows or doors.
You can get away with being sarcastic and witting without someone punching you in the face.
If someone peers over a newspaper at you in a bus station you should shoot them because they’re probably going to cause you trouble later.
It is possible to run away from an explosion.
If you jump off a building chances are you’ll land in a neatly stacked pile of cardboard boxes or a dump truck full of sawdust.
