Nice job...however and I can't tell how long you've been shooting but along with all your efforts comes the realization that there are always better ways to do things. But the fun part of our jobs is making one attempt and putting it out there for the world to see and try and understand what did and didn't work or learn ways to make it even better. You obviously had ample oppurtunities to collect nats which you did...make sure you fade nats in and out so they aren't so rough on the ears everytime there's a change. Fades tease the ears which is another way to stimulate the viewer. Also...I can't tell if its the Youtube thing but there seems to be a lot of 5 or 10 frame dissolves peppered throughout the piece...I personally dislike dissolves...so I would use straight cuts to keep it fluid. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but there comes a time when I (we) see a piece and question something about because its almost too good to be true. One shot that looks staged is the lady walking in the store...just something about that makes it feel like someone asked her to walk in again...and the closing shot...how did you get that? I am not saying you staged anything til you respond about how those shots came about. The rule is...staged shots are unethical...and if you've been shooting for awhile you probably already know that.
So back to my original point...you have lots of nats but I don't think you used them effectively. They sound rough so use the fades...but the timing and placement are just off so I know you are trying but this is where experience in storytelling will come with time. I think if I were you...I would have built a nat open/montage around the natural pauses of the opening bite because the sounds can be quick and help supplement what he is saying...I think that way is more effective than boring exteriors to a bunch of nats back-to-back-to-back. Nats are effective only when used properly so its a good idea to talk with your reporter about how, when , and where you and can place them and utilize their writing to make it even more effective because some nats can be used before...under...and after the reporter track depending on the situation.
Fine attempt here...just need to tweak and few things to make it better but it'll come in time.
