help a young kid out

T

TXTechPhoto

Well-known member
Nice job, I felt like I was there. It has a very smooth pace with a decent reveal. My only gripe would be you need a stronger closing shot.
 
Latin Lens

Latin Lens

Well-known member
You did a pretty good job with this...but there's some definite room for some improvement. When you talk about a softball game there's plenty of sights and sounds to setup a better intro...no voices...no mic'd person in the crowd with some game comments...those can really bring some spice to an intro and will definitely take a mediocre one like you did to an even better one. I know the story was about the wounded warrior team but why no comment(s) from the rival team or umps for some independent perspective. I think your direction is in the right place but you need some guidance...it helps to open with a locator shot to show where in space we literally are...build the open around your opening shot...final a closing shot that sums up what we just watched whenever possible...final score..."winning" team walking away...a final cheer...something that denotes "end" to game and "end" to story. Bring all that together and you'll start to see the story and edit it in a whole new way. Nice work.
 
S

satpimp

Well-known member
guidepost

Action, Reaction.
Motion, Emotion.
What you see is what you say.
The good stuff goes up top.
All the rest is showbiz.

The framed sign on my first news director's office wall. They've all been characters.
 
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