Kyle...this appears to be a starters market for you...and I really hate seeing these stories like this because if I knew now what I knew then...it'd be an awesome story. But as it is...it is rather boring, and unimaginative and just plain blah. I know you like it, but its not very good. Sorry for the harsh critique but I want you learn something from this.
First off...the anchor did this piece no justice with his writing...its weak. Yes you got some sequences but you didn't edit the sequences...I didn't see enough variation in the shooting of these sequences to keep me entertained. Thats the beauty of repeatative action...you can get multiple angles and chances of the same action to help add variety to the entire piece. The picture thing was cheesy...sorry. Unless there was a moment that he put that there or a memorial was set up then it looked like a bad staged shot...and then you use it as it falls over again and again...bad, bad, bad. You need to understand the art of the storytell...get the viewer involved with the sights and sounds. You do that by putting mics on people and capturing moments as they do stuff...this was perfect for that...put a mic on him...let him react to his shot...to his friend...to whatever...thats the the sprinkle you need to add personality to the story and the character...better approach will give a better end result. You're learning so this is a big step forward to take. You need to take charge of the direction of the storytell when you are recording it. More variation of wides, mediums,and tights...better sequencing and better editing of sequencing...who cares if you shot the sequence...need to see it edited in the story for it to have impact. Nice effort...but its not good...sorry.
