Biff the Crime Dog

[MaskedRider83]

Here's another one for you guys. The post should probably be more suited for the FB Storytellers board. However, I'm loyal to b.roll.net.

It's a story about a local weapons dog that passed away at 13. Anchor wanted NatPKG or Music PKG, but instead I wrote him some lines to track and so, he did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkHjqE43Qmc&list=UU3T9KgxZiEMfSBmPPXhx13Q&index=1&feature=plcp

It's pretty file-heavy for obvious reasons.... Just proud I kept it simple... No shots of the clouds, music (especially Sarah McLaughlin, etc...)

 

[Latin Lens]

Hey Andrew...first I want to say "good job" on recognizing the difficulty in a natpkg on this subject. It would have been extremely hard to have done it and maybe you are not at that skill level to attempt. You would have to have alot of foresight in order to make it work. With that said...kudos for writing the lines. But let's examine this just for a second to see how we could have made it better. Its nice to see you had plenty of file to work with but the crux of the story is present day. There's alot I feel you missed that could have added the necessary emotion to really drive this piece home. What do I mean by that? Well, if you owned a dog that is longer around you have a leash that is unworn, you have a water dish that sits empty on the kitchen floor...these shots represent the absence of the dog from the home. You write to the absence these shots show...this takes us to the man's home and we feel the emptiness of his house now that the dog is gone. I think if the interview would have been a little more dramatically lit it would have had a greater impact. You definitely needed some nats of him looking through that photo album for us to understand the memories they shared. Those are just a few things to maybe try next time this type of oppurtunity comes up. In our early photog years we make alot of mistakes that will help us years down the line. There is/was room for the file video but it just needed to be set up with more context and the whole vacationing thing could have been nixed for something a little bit more reflective.

 

[satpimp]

Thoughts

I have known work dogs and have outlasted too many. Great subject, good story, what I wanted was the perspective of the what's and hows of the dogs career. These animals and their human partners are pretty amazing. What were some of the deployments. What were the cases that took man and dog far from home over and over. One war story from the scrapbook for context and perspective would have added a lot. What was their toughest assignment? In general these teams show up at the worst of times. Cadaver duty, bomb sniffing, drugs... all tough gigs and hard on both species. I didn't feel that connection as much as the man's loss over a valued and valuable companion and collegue.

Good story though. I wish I had had access to critiques like the last one when I was starting out. I still have to muddle through so much. Story construction is often harder for me than the words wheter I log or write them.

Good job and good luck

Omar

 

[MaskedRider83]

Thanks guys... Quick question:

Should I have left it heavy on human element as I did, or should I have tried to weave more facts into the story?? I.e., statistics, history, etc???

Thanks!

MR83

 

[satpimp]

personal

Man and beast, primeval story line. Keep it human (and canine). Anectdotes for texture. Facts and figures (statistics) would sterilize. Personal history would add depth and color. What assignment had been tough or rewarding for both trainer and animal. Shared hurdles in tribute. It already had a familiar sense of shared loss and painful memory just based on the subject. I was curious for exploits, in large part because I've been with the teams often. You cook with what you gather. It speaks a lot to how much I liked the story that I was left curious and talkative.

Cheers,

Omar

 

[Latin Lens]

Keep it personal. Tug at heart strings without being over dramatic. You display the loss through someone close...i.e. his handler/partner...but emphasis on the loss and the pain of losing an "officer" and family member. It all leads back to a good storytell...how you approach the subject...and what we can learn from this incident. Then weaving the story with the sights and sounds to back up your approach. I want to feel this man's pain...how do you do that? Let me (the viewer) feel his lose. Get me close to him to identify with the pain. Which is why I would've nixed the vacation stuff...very impersonal subject matter. Stats don't get me closer...stay away or that's info for an anchor intro/tag. Tell the story of pain WITH the loss of the dog. Instead of telling a story of the passing of the dog...big differance. You'll find it as you get more experience.