Lenslinger presents SchmuckAlert.com

November 18, 2008 discussion, lead

From: Stewart “Lenslinger” Pittman

Ever since orb-hurling hothead Kenny “Not the Gambler” Rogers openly assailed a cameraman for reasons known only to himself, I’ve felt compelled to issue Schmuck Alerts. What can I say? Some folks were put on this Earth to cure Polio, refine space flight, or stop global warming. Me – I’m here to lambast those who manhandle fancycams. I’m cool with that. What I’m NOT cool with is my civic duty interfering with the meandering introspection and half-baked analysis highlighted here at Viewfinder BLUES. So, after a long weekend of being locked away in the Lenslinger Labs with the trusty Weave, I appear before you addled, odiferous and a more dedicated than ever to kicking my pixel-addiction. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Give it a click, won’t you? There you’ll find everything you ever wanted to know about those folks stupid enough to wrestle with a functional recording device. Cops! Criminals! City Leaders! Celebrities! Some guy with gravy on his shirt! NOBODY’ SAFE from the open disdain and trademark snark doled out at this, the latest subsidiary of Lenslinger Industries. Come for the mockery! Stay for the overblown prose! No — wait! Don’t Go! it ain’t just me runnin’ my mouth. Oh No! We got a cast of thousands! (Okay, Weaver said he would help…)

The Schmuck Alert Justice League aims to be you one-stop source for unwarranted fisticuffs with the Fourth Estate. Videos! Polls! Guest contributors and maybe even a Poetry Slam or two! When it comes to spotlighting the plight of camera crews and the buffoons who abuse them, schmuckalert.com is well worth the visit. Be one of the first hundred visitors and win a Viewfinder BLUES virtual t-shirt! Think how impressed your Facebook friends will be when you tell them you’re wearing that over your regular pajama top!

Seriously, if schmuckalert.com stops just ONE portly rent-a-cop, ONE shackled crackhead, ONE star-crossed trollop from laying hands on their friendly neighborhood lenslinger, then the three showers I skipped over the past few days will be more than worth it. Just ask my wife! Or better yet – leave us alone altogether! There’s plenty to keep you busy over there, so dive right and get your fill of silly linkage, sophomoric humor and more scary drifters than you can shake a restraining oder at. When you’re back in the mood for more adult fare, I’ll be RIGHT HERE … playing with my action-figure.


  1. Joe says:

    I like the idea, but I’m not sure using the word “Schmuck” is going to help. Why not keep it professional. It would make more of an impact.

  2. Lenslinger says:

    Perhaps, but snark is what makes the web go ’round. Besides, ‘Douche Bag Watch’ was already taken.

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