Toy giveaway critique

optic

Member
Ok so heres a really short nat pack I would like to have critiqued. Its a toy give away for less fortunate families done by our station and Toys for Tots.
Ive been in the busniness for a little while and I'm looking for ways to improve my work. Some things I know that would have helped are more nats. Ive been trying to make my videos faster paced and compared to others it is but I still didn't get the reaction I was hoping for. So I'm open to any suggestions.

http://vimeo.com/17587953
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
I have said this more times than I would care to admit but I am going to say it again for you...natpkgs are very hard to do. You really need the right approach, the proper characters and basically a good angle (story) to get you from begining to end. You had alot of those possibilities here...but more than likely because you are a young new shooter...you had no idea the potential of what you had. You have a lot to work on so I hope this helps get you to where you want to be. Good effort, I applaud you for trying.

First off, if you plan on doing a natpkg, unless its completely obvious while shooting that doing a natpkg would be the only way to do the story justice, then you need to put some forthought into what you about to attempt. It didn't look like you did here, maybe I am wrong but there was so little structure and barely a story tell that I would argue that you didn't but again thats okay for where you are at. So think about what you might get to see and hear, think about the oppurtunities you know you going to get (handing out toys, Santa arrival, etc) and think about how best to approach and shoot that. A good shooter gets variety so you will have the oppurtunity from repeatative action to get plenty of variation. Wide, medium, tight, low-angle, high-angle, close, far, the possibilities are almost endless. So get more variety in your shooting.

You need to set the stage from the start...draw the viewer in...with a good scene setter...focus your story tell around an individual so the viewer can identify with that person so they have a reason to care...tell the general story of the event around the individual story...but get me from begining to the end so I feel fullfilled with what I just watched which didn't happen here. It was too scatterbrained...no structure, lack of a central figure or figures so I had no connection. Find the person to tell the story thru...it may take some time and hunting but find them. Too many shots didn't make sense because I had no idea what was going on in them...sure I get the concept of someone handing a football to someone...but how do we get there...maybe the lady asks when the kid reaches her..."what do you want for Christmas?" and he answers football...so she goes back and yells football to her elves and they hand it to her and she hands it to the kid who smiles....get the sequence to tell the overall story...again and again, and again. The repeatative action should provide for enough cutaways and variation that you can do this. Follow one family thru the line and the experience of getting their toy...then talk to them afterward for perspective...and hopefully if they are geniune then you will get great emotion to use.

Your audio was not very good...too noisy...either get further away to lose the loudspeaker or use your handheld mic to cut out the noise. This hurt you again big time...too much noise to hear what was happening or what they were saying. Work on that.

Set the stage with a good intro shot or sequence to draw me in....have a good story and pacing to get me thru to the end...then have a good closing moment to end it. A lot of forethought needs to go into a natpkg...its not as easy as it looks...guys spend years honing their craft to make it appear easy...but it never is. Keep trying because its the only way you will improve...good luck and I hope this helps.
 

optic

Member
Thanks that helps alot. Ive been omb on weekends so Ive had a great opportunity put your advice to use. Thanks again man.
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
Your Welcome

Thanks that helps alot. Ive been omb on weekends so Ive had a great opportunity put your advice to use. Thanks again man.
No worries man. Just keep plugging away. The more mistakes you make early in your career the better off you will be in the future. You just have to learn from your mistakes in order to get to where you want to be as a shooter, reporter, producer, director, whatever. You will find plenty of advice and critique here so keep posting and lets get that skin thicker.
 
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