looking for some constructive criticism...

[javary]

here's a little package i threw together. i think it turned out ok, but i'm looking for feedback from fresh sets of eyes:

http://www.wlos.com/shared/newsroom/special_reports/wlos_vid_70.shtml

 

[Lenslinger]

Here's some constructive criticism: Grow the damn beard back. That picture on your blog is freakin' me out!

(BTW, nice piece...)

 

[javary]

That picture on your blog is freakin' me out!

try looking at that in the mirror every morning... sheesh!

 

[NEWSSHOOTER3]

A Few Thoughts...

Its a good piece. But, you shot your wad early and hobbled into the finish. The good news is that you reeled me in. The bad news is that I wasn't satisfied when it was over. It also sounded like you washed him out a bit on his last bite with the audio mix.

Its really hard not to throw it all out there early, and sometimes not a bad idea, but I would have liked to see some of the frenzy at the beginning, in the end. More tights and emotion maybe...

All in all, nice effort!

 

[cameradog]

Random impressions:

The fast cuts on that music toward the beginning were cool, but they were also a bit gimmicky and a bit jarring. I think it would have been better to build toward that a little more, or possibly even reduce the pace of those edits so that it wasn't at such odds with the rest of the piece. Newsshooter3 is right about the pace. You had that rapid fire editing, and then you had shots of the puppets that ran several seconds. They seemed really slow after that.

Also, those long wide shots of the puppets begged for sequences. They were involved in motions that you could have snapped in to get in close-up and snapped back to make sequences--that is, assuming you keep your zoom on manual to allow you to do that. Often on something like this you can snap in, snap out, snap in and snap out, then end up with a four shot sequence just by cutting out the snap zooms. It takes practice to get it right, and sometimes you f*ck it up even when you're good at it. But that's how some of those pieces you see on the contest tapes that look staged because of the nearly perfect sequences get done without actually staging.

I have to take you to task for the jump cuts at the beginning. We see the conductor on the podium. Then we see him in an interview. Then we see him on the podium again. That first cut begged for a cutaway, perhaps of a shot that would establish the scene.

Once you established those two interviews, I think you could have covered most of your bites. Their voices were distinctive enough from each other that we know who's talking. About 2/3 of the way through, for example, you have a fairly long shot of the conductor's interview talking about "these Russian fairy tales." I think you could have covered most of that shot, if not the whole thing.

I also would have liked just a bit more information. For example, what Russian fairy tale? The girl says the piece is difficult to play. What piece? It's not too difficult to get your interview to say that information on camera. Most of the questions an audience will have about what's going on here will be answered by the visuals, but there were a few more details that you could have added to fill it out. Remember, this is still news.

From a more "personal tastes" standpoint, I like to see faces. Viewers usually identify more with faces than with mechanical things. I would have liked to have seen closer shots of the faces of both the puppeteers and the musicians during the sequences focused on them. Those puppeteers especially were probably intensely concentrating, but we didn't really get a chance to see that reflected in their faces.

Taking that a step further, I think I might have liked to have heard from one of the puppeteers. It might have made nice symmetry to hear the musician talking about the puppets (as you had in the piece) and a puppeteer talking about the music (which was missing). That would probably mean you would need to drop the conductor for time, but I don't think I would have minded that.

Overall, it was a good piece. You entertained me, and that's difficult.

 

[Shooter in the Ville]

I don't claim to be a lighting expert, but it seems like you needed a second light for both interview subjects hair and shoulders. Especially the guy sitting in the stands, his hair just disappears into the darkness behind him. Other than that I found the piece entertaining.

 

[Nino]

One of my instructors (many moons ago) told us that if you can’t tell what the story is all about without the sound then you failed as a cinematographer. He had painted on the wall of his classroom in big letter “Show it don’t say it”. He added that voices should give details and not tell the story. This of course is a little difficult to do but you should always think that your photography will tell the complete story.

Although I like the photography, being a classical music fan I think that there’s always so much photographic potential than seeing so many talking heads. At the beginning of this story I wasn’t sure what this was all about it. At first I thought that it was about a youth symphony orchestra in the way the conductor was explaining the piece. I realized about one third into the piece that this was about the puppets, but the piece kept going back to the orchestra. At the end of the story I still I wasn’t sure if this was about the orchestra, about the puppets or both. I think that the confusion comes from hearing and seeing the conductor talking about how difficult it is for the puppeteers, while sitting in a comfortable chair, I would have loved to hear it and see it from the puppeteer themselves, preferably while doing their things. I still am not sure who that woman was, I thought I saw a quick cut of her in the orchestra but it was too quick to establish that.

I loved the quick cuts with the tempo of the music, well done, if this piece was about the orchestra that should have been the lead into the piece.

Overall it was good, but it could have been so much better, especially when you have so much material to work with. I never look at something in the way it is, I always see it as it could have been.

 

[valkbilly]

Nice job, great subject! I would cover the talking heads at the beginning... maybe some shots of the puppeteers(sp) hands??? Just a thought.

 

[svp]

I generally liked the story but there are a few things I would have changed.

First, it was too long. I didn't check to see how long it was but it seemed well over 3 mintes. A nat pkg on that shouldn't be longer than 1:30

Cover some of the lady's sound bites with video instead of seeing her head pop back in ever 10 to 15 seconds. In a nat pkg, if you want to show someone talking then you need to move the camera around after about every two questions to give yourself mutlitple angles. With the guy in seats, I was really waiting for a shot of him in the distance, shot between the gap of the two chairs with him looking toward the stage as he give a sound bite. I never saw it. The focal length never changed on the interviews and it needed too. I also agree that both of those interviews needed a second light.

I was also looking for some creative angles that I didn't see. Something like a low shot looking straight up from the peoples feet so you can see them standing and holding these giant puppets over there heads.

I have to disagree with camerdog about the quick cuts in the beginning. I didn't think they were jaring or gimmicky. What surprised me is I didn't see more of it after the initial open

Not a bad story at all but it could have been a little better.

 

[javary]

thanks for all the feedback...

when i went out to shoot this story, i was trying to do a two things with it:

1. start off with the orchestra and hold back the puppets as a "surprise" for the viewer.

2. tell the story primarily through the voices of the puppeteers.

obviously, there were some challenges which made #2 possible, but that's the nature of the beast. i'll keep your comments in mind next time i try a piece like this...

thanks again, guys!

 

[cameradog]

1. start off with the orchestra and hold back the puppets as a "surprise" for the viewer.

You know, I've seen this mentioned quite a bit here. It's a good technique when the story warrants it. But the story doesn't always lend itself to a surprise.

I don't think this story lent itself to having a surprise. A surprise is when the story looks like it's about racing, then you see the race car driver and realize he only has one arm. A surprise is when the story looks like it's just another package about the cops running a license check, and the drunk driver they catch turns out to be the mayor.

A surprise should be a "plot point," upon which the story turns in a different direction, like in a novel or a movie. What's really surprising about there being puppets involved? How does the revelation of that really turn the story and make it something different?

I don't think you needed to hold that back.

 

[redcoat]

I've never seen an orchestra play for a giant puppet show. I've seen an orchestra play for concerts and plays, but never a giant puppet show. Since I think that applies to most people, I think this warrants the way you chose to organize the story. Although it might not have been as shocking as finding out the mayor got caught for drunk driving; I think it's a legitimate reveal. At least it allows for some progression in the story. I don't think every surprise has to kick you in the crotch.

 

[Baltimore's Finest Fotog]

This piece needed a way better opening sequence! Was there any way to get people coming in the doors? Buying tickets? Something??? Build me an open! Don't just plop me in my seat when the show has already started.

Secondly, be cognizant of where you shoot your interviews. I noticed the violinist was framed with the stage behind her. Not a good idea when you're going to be cutting back to the stage for the majority of your b-roll.

Like the others, I also loved the quick cuts in the beginning. It was very nicely executed too, because it looked like it was all tight shots. Ya gotta use tight shots if you're going to do something like that. Wide shots won't work, cuz you'll never figure out what you're being shown in those 5 or so frames.

And yes, lose the jumpcuts - especially right off the bat! I'm CERTAIN you had some cutaways.

 

[Tdomi74]

Joey Flash:
Along with what other's have said on here let me point out a couple of technical things along with storytelling tip. First of nice job I see you're using some of the things that you learned here. I what to stress though some of the things that you've learned about the fast cuts here only work when the entire story is a fast paced story. Remember the Cowboy Shooting package I did? How it was ping - pang - bing thoughout the entire story.

It worked because the pacing was thoughout the whole story. You could have done that in this story as a bridge from director point view to the lady playing then to one of the puppet people. Remember the rule of 3's Joey.

Also some have mention about your audio towards the end of the piece. There at the end the nat sound overrided a couple of the soundbites. Play closer attention when doing a music piece not only for the pacing of the story. But that the nats doesn't take away from the story you're trying to tell. I had to watch it twice there at the end to figure out what the guy was saying. Remember the viewer only get's to see the package one time.

Also you missed a couple of obvious shot's that where needed in the package. One is that God Wide Shot from the back or from the balcony. That would have helped the opening shot of this story much better. I don't know if this was a run though and if there where any audience members in attendance. If there were you needed to get some good reaction shots of them and there faces as they watch the preformance.

Since you only talk to two people once they been up twice as soundbites and the viewer see's them and knows who they in realtionship to the story. Don't be afraid to cover them up the rest of the story... unless it's a soundbite that need's to be up for something important part for the story. Once you got me to the surprise portion of the story, I just needed to be narratied though the rest of it. More picture's of what was going on to make me feel if I where there.

Like some above have said, surprises only work if it's something right out of the oridnary or if the story take's a 180. Example if you where doing a story about a search for a missing girl. First half of the story is a searching only for the surprise to be that they found her.

You can still build a strong story without having a surpise to build too. Hale-Bop taught me that years ago there are some stories that are best just to jump right into. This is one of them I think for a surprise is unnessacary.

Finally, I can tell you had time to put it together out in the field and the edit both.
When you have those days like that take full advantage of them. For it's not every day you can pull out your light kit or get ten extra shots. So when you have the time take the time Joey. Throw up a edge light to separate the person you're talking to from the background. Get those gravy shots along with those crisp nat sound breaks. Once you've mentaly checked off everything from your list. Take a second look at the scence closey for anything interesting you may have missed before you pack up and leave.

Other than that Joey, you've come a long way since you left GHP. Keep it up and am sure one day you'll be giving the critiques instead of getting them.

I too vote for Beard!

 

[javary]

i was hoping you'd weigh in, brad... and fyi, the beard is on it's way back soon.

 

[Baltimore's Finest Fotog]

I what to stress though some of the things that you've learned about the fast cuts here only work when the entire story is a fast paced story. Remember the Cowboy Shooting package I did? How it was ping - pang - bing thoughout the entire story.

Regarding pacing...I wouldn't necessarily say you have to maintain that same pace - that you established with the quick edits - throughout the entire piece...A wise man once told me that the best stories always have a change of pace.

 

[Lensmith]

I thought the pacing was fine. It all flowed for me. I was just disappointed there wasn't a better opening and closing shot to signature the piece.

Other than those minor comments...great job!

 

[cadencefilm]

one and a half cents

like lensmith, i was looking for something more from the opening and closing shots (though i'm a little less critical of the close than the open because there's a beat in the closing shot where the puppet's hands come together over it's chest that i like, but i don't know if it was too far into the pad for the viewer to have seen before the director punched out).

my other other nitpick was that i would have liked to have heard from the puppeteer's, but don't know if that would have muddled the focus of the piece or unnecessarily lengthened it. it flowed well -lengthwise - as is.