I want to know what you think :)

redcoat

Well-known member
Here's a few observations:

The opening SOT "I don't wanna forget" was a little jarring to me. It was a pretty emphatic statement and started the package with an abrupt punch that I don't think matched the somber soft tone that the music brought. I think it would have fit better later in the package after things had already picked up a little.

I would have liked to continue to see the close up shots of veterans over the second byte of the man kneeling by the grave when he said "I want to keep what everybody laid their life down for still alive." You did a nice job framing your interviews--especially the vietnam vet--but I think choosing to stay on veterans rather than go back to the man talking would have brought his point home more.

Great job capturing the tears in the eyes moment.

I thought the closing shot was strong and the music was weaved nicely throughout the piece. Did you consider showing the choir? I can't decide on whether or not that would have been a good thing to do in this case.
 

nguyen.jason

Active member
Both males were Vets. One was in the gulf war the other was in the Vietnam War. I didn't want to show the chior cause it was only 3 men singing. To me it seemed more staged then I would have liked. I felt that if I could capture the memorial aspect of things, it would speak louder. Thanks for your imput I'll make sure to think about that next time I shoot something like this :D
 

NEWSSHOOTER3

Well-known member
Not Bad.

I didn't want to show the chior cause it was only 3 men singing. To me it seemed more staged then I would have liked.

I won't say always, but I think if you're going to carry a piece with "ambient" music, recorded at the scene, you need to see the source at some point... probably near the top. To me, it is going to add to the story, and I'm unclear about the "staging" point that you made?

Some of your shots throughout were a little "bland". Try adding some more elements to the foreground, better composition, and/or adding a little more depth to your frames.

Beyond that, I think it was a really good effort, with some moments of real emotion.
 

nguyen.jason

Active member
Thanks alot for your input. I'll try and remember this stuff next time I shoot something like this, or just in general.
j
 

Corporate Management

Well-known member
I liked that you're setting up some creative interview shots, but the way the flag and flowers were framed seemed a bit off to me. I like to think of shots like that as a scale...it needs to be weighed out evenly, and it felt off-balance to me. I would have picked the flag or the flower, not both. But I do give you credit for having some nice depth in there.

I also felt like the piece lacked a certain establishing shot. I wasn't sure if I was looking at a formal event, or just people doing their thing. This probably ties in with the comments about not seeing the singers.

Agreed about the emotion...you captured some nice moments there.

Unfortunately, I didn't care for the music, though I'm not sure that's your fault. The day itself, and the tone of the interviews and the video, was very somber...but the music wasn't. I don't think of "God Bless America" as the saddest of the patriotic songs, and definitely not when sung by a barbershop quartet. That makes me think of guys tapdancing with canes.

But I will say that the way you worked it in throughout the piece was nice, and on the whole, what I watched was probably far better than it would have been with a reporter track.
 

Chicago Dog

Well-known member
It was a nice piece, but to tell you the absolute truth, it felt generic. There were a few clever edits, such as the "tears in the eyes" shot. You've got some shot variation, but there wasn't really a point to them, which is the idea behind sequencing.

I don't want to seem harsh, but this wasn't much more than a series of beauty shots sprinkled with some bites. It might've helped the piece feel more "personal" if you'd found a specific couple of people to follow: perhaps one vet and one relative of a fallen vet?

There were things in this package I wanted to see again: the horse carriage and the coffin draped in the American flag, for one. What was the story behind that? Is it some special memorial? Who runs it? Is he a vet? There's probably a really cool story there. If not, hey -- at least you tried (which you may have done already, I don't know).

Photopacks are fun to do. Just like a reporter package, though, it's very easy to let an otherwise-important element take over.

Three little things: first, you didn't need the dissolves. I understand why you put it in the last shot, but it didn't really need to be there. Second, there were two or three shots (including the opening) that weren't very level. Third, why'd you cut the Vietnam vet off at the ankles? It looks like you were going for some framing with the flag and the wreath, but I think the strange way it left the vet killed the attempt. Don't worry much about it -- live and learn!
:)

Good luck in your future photopacks!
 
Last edited:
Top