View Single Post
  #6  
Old 09-14-2014, 02:24 AM
Questionnaire Questionnaire is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 5
Questionnaire is on a distinguished road
Default

Am I too late? Only four months or so...

A lot of your stuff was spot-on. The part at the checkpoint was awesome, as was the use of effects, and especially the candle, and blowing it out at the end.

Honestly, I feel like the problem here was the reporter. I was intrigued at the beginning, where there was a clear problem stated, and we met someone very compelling. After that, it just meandered around. Is the problem the backlog? Is it the inability to test? Is it the law? I was left kind of confused, though admittedly, I may have just not paid as much attention as a I should have. Which, I suppose, is a problem in itself.

I also want to add that the reactions of the woman mean very little when we don't know who she is, or anything about the guy who died. Who is she? Who was he? With some context--showing what she does, where she lives, where she works, details like that--we're able to better empathize with her. I feel like the knee jerk reaction of a lot of reporters is to think "Ooh, crying," or "Ooh, emotional soundbite," and throw that in right off the top. When really, those moments can have far greater impact when they come in *after* we know who someone is.

But as for your end of the story, excellent work.
Reply With Quote