You did so much right with this...but there was a little something "wrong" in the execution. I'll explain that in a minute...but first you got good stuff...enough to make a decent story. I think you chose a good character(s) but there seemed to be a little something lacking in really getting to know them and a get a feel for their excitement. Thats the big challenge in doing such a quick story...you sometimes can't develop like you want. So to be proactive you need to use quicker bites that get their excitement conveyed more throughtout. Thats how you set the theme and keep it. And thats the second part of my critique...it lost steam midway...maybe thats because you focused a little too much on back to back to back sots/natsots but if you have a good attack plan and layout for the story you should be able to hold onto some good stuff til the end so it doesn't lose anything and you can maintain interest from viewers. The "wrong" I was alluding to earlier was mainly due to the composition of the shot you got connected to the natsot you used underneath. Maybe its more of a personal choice but I'd rather see a good tight or medium tight so I can see the excitement while hearing it. You pair the two together and thats what makes TV great. You hear excitement or something funny and you see the excitement or a goofy face. I can tell you worked at it so A for effort but execution fell short a bit so maybe like a B+ there. Good try though. I like watching your stuff.