Royal's Rally

photoguy603

Well-known member
Here's one from last night. Our local hockey team is in the national championship starting this weekend. So the team held a free rally for fans...check it out. Shot written and edited in 4 hours.

http://bit.ly/17Et19T
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
You did so much right with this...but there was a little something "wrong" in the execution. I'll explain that in a minute...but first you got good stuff...enough to make a decent story. I think you chose a good character(s) but there seemed to be a little something lacking in really getting to know them and a get a feel for their excitement. Thats the big challenge in doing such a quick story...you sometimes can't develop like you want. So to be proactive you need to use quicker bites that get their excitement conveyed more throughtout. Thats how you set the theme and keep it. And thats the second part of my critique...it lost steam midway...maybe thats because you focused a little too much on back to back to back sots/natsots but if you have a good attack plan and layout for the story you should be able to hold onto some good stuff til the end so it doesn't lose anything and you can maintain interest from viewers. The "wrong" I was alluding to earlier was mainly due to the composition of the shot you got connected to the natsot you used underneath. Maybe its more of a personal choice but I'd rather see a good tight or medium tight so I can see the excitement while hearing it. You pair the two together and thats what makes TV great. You hear excitement or something funny and you see the excitement or a goofy face. I can tell you worked at it so A for effort but execution fell short a bit so maybe like a B+ there. Good try though. I like watching your stuff.
 

photoguy603

Well-known member
Hey man thanks as always for the feedback. I keep watching it and your right the end does drag a little. Thanks for the comments! I'll keep posting!
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
So Matt...I've been studying this over the weekend cuz I want to help you see something to help make it better the next time you get one of these. I am going to assume you had some sort attack because it wasn't that scatterbrained in the end. But I think had you focused the main element of the story around one character and showed us his "journey" through the wait before the event and the wait in the line and the meet and greet to his "end"...it would have made a better storyline and you probably could have weaved in and out better. You coulda thrown in the car stuff as a sidebar element and maybe another but you could have developed one storyline with supporting elements and finding other characters for the secondary elements. Small tweaks can have a huge difference...just wait for an oppurtunity to bust it out and know when its happening and take advantage. Your skills are above average so let's showcase them better with a better storytell. You do that consistently you'll have a tape even I will envy.
 

photoguy603

Well-known member
Thanks for taking the extra time. And thanks for all the feedback...I try to go into all my stories with some sort of plan but as we all know for either better or worse that can go out the door when you get there...but either way the more you talk about it and have some idea of what you want the better the story comes out thanks again man and I'll keep everything you said in mind during my next shoot...
 
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