Well done.
Always always always always leave the lav on your subject after your interview when they'll be doing something that you'll be shooting. Having video of a great moment is good (or lucky) shooting; having audio to go with it is exceptional shooting. You can even mic up one of the other girls and get sound (and b-roll) of one of them reacting to Drucilla's talent while Drucilla is shooting. Think of it as a way of showing how she influences or inspires her peers, and not just telling us about it. You did at least have a nat break where she provides some instruction to another girl, that's good. You can also mic up her dad and get sound of him reacting/instructing/supporting his daughter while she does her thing.
Clean edits. Consider some elements of storytelling for something like this..
1] Your entire story takes place in one location. This is provides a great opportunity for 'storybooking' this pkg. Establish your setting to open the pack, and do essentially the same to end the pack.. i.e.. Your open --> low angle car driving in, sign, dirt road.. Your close --> dirt road, sign, car driving out. Not the same shots, obviously, different shots, angles, framing.. In your writing at the end, you talked about everything that lies ahead of her, this is an opportunity to show us that road again, from a different perspective as you discuss the road that lies ahead.. just an example.
2] She is the only girl. That's a great reveal. Open with some shots and nats of guys shooting clay, coach giving instruction, targets exploding, loading up shotguns, etc.. while you give us the breakdown of where we are and what we're seeing. Some quick sound of her coach/peers describing her skills (while not revealing that she's a girl).. you can have them use her nickname 'Trigger' for this part. --> "Trigger's got skills", "Trigger's the best shooter on the team", "Trigger's got a shot at nationals".. and then.. the reveal (with your video and audio of 'Trigger').. TRIGGER IS A GIRL!! OMG! *crowd goes wild*
Don't get me wrong, your story is good. The above items are just some things you can do to take your storytelling to the next level.
- Peter
