New Stories to Critique

Hey guys... It's been a while since I've been around here.... These are really the only three stories from the last couple months I've felt were post-worthy...

Firework Set-Up NatPKG

Our ND was running desk and assigned me to do a nat-sound PKG on the reinstatement of firework stands (after a two-year absence.) Also was shot in 105 degrees.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcNOD63fwYM&feature=related


Red Raider Kickoff NatPKG

I usually go just focused on the game. I was told to shoot the atmosphere surrounding the game as well, just for stock footage. I just decided to play around in the edit bay and see if I could get something out of it... Mic and tripod were already in the press room when I started.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFRqqqcl6T8&list=UU3T9KgxZiEMfSBmPPXhx13Q&index=5&feature=plcp


Marine Returns Home-PKG

Reporter and I got in right before it started... Since everything was rushed (we all had a 20-minute window), the structure had to be done backwards... The story itself would've been a VOSOT, but I shot, wrote and edited to make into a PKG. Tight shots did help on this one, but I still ran out at the end....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn1gcXVosuU&list=UU3T9KgxZiEMfSBmPPXhx13Q&index=3&feature=plcp


As always, any advice is greatly appreciated!

MR83
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
Finally Andrew....its about darn time you got something up. Haha....just kidding.

Firework Stand Story:
Okay...I still think you're struggling with the overall approach with these things still. I think you're missing the "nats" that will help with story flow and character development. You had the right idea with the old man and the boxes but you needed more of that from a starting point to an ending point...to build a better story sturcture and utilize more of the naturalness of the activity at hand to showcase his character and get the info and feelings from being gone for two years. This also wouldn't be an obvious choice for a natpkg unless you had a rather over the top character....so I question the decision from the getgo. On something like this you need a rather focused topic to profile...the heat? The fact it was tough opening after two years? Maybe the excitement of being able to sell again? You needed a better focal issue to center everything around, that way you can use the fireworks and the safety of them to play into your storyline.
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
Marine Returns:

Not a bad effort because these are rather difficult single cam stories to do...but you can do it if you have sufficient pre-planning. I think the structure was way off on this one too. I think you revealed too early...you needed a little more build up...build some anticipation but there was none on it...the anticipation is a character Andrew...use it to your advantage. You needed to hear from the boy and hear from the dad before going in for the suprise to really showcase that excitement of this emotional moment. You needed third person perspective...a fellow classmate or teacher to really show some emotion on the event they witnessed or how they see the son sad at times and they're happy to see him smiling. Anything to lend to the heightened magic of that moment. The piece unfortunately slows down after the reveal...thats why I think it was shown too early...there wasn't enough to sustain after such an emotional moment. It can be done but you needed alot more than talking about football games...you needed to be with them at the ice cream parlor they go after or home and playing, whatever. This story needed a closing shot...remember a closing shot is your lasting image of such a glorious moment...my closing shot would have been a silohuette hallway shot as they walked away to the doors that lead outside...all holding hands...it shows unity and happiness and the silohuette adds a touch of drama and the action of them walking away defines closure. Get ahead of the game by thinking all the time....more cutaways of any tears or smiles are always needed and welcome for emotional stories. More, more, more....to help out in the edit bay. Nice job but I hope you chalk this up as a learning experience.
 

Latin Lens

Well-known member
Red Raider Kickoff:

Sorry Andrew...another rather struggle here. You needed interviews to keep the interest level up and to give all the action context. Interviews help with added the string between actual nat sound that get you to another part of the story or action you want to highlight. It seems like fun to just play around but you need to understand the motivation behind the why to really pull off a great natpkg that will convey info or for viewers to find entertainment value in it. You had the nats...you just needed the interviews, characters, and storyline to put it all into perspective.
 

NEWSSHOOTER3

Well-known member
Fireworks

The fireworks PKG did not leave me feeling much. I thought the shooting was okay, but really not much of a story there. This is almost one of those that starts out with "My name is ___ and do ___ because ___" Maybe some more solid tight shots and substance would have helped? I just don't think, as a viewer, I'm left with much. But, I see a lot of fundamental skills that you have and will help you in the future.

Keep up the good work!
 
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