Downtown Phoenix Revitalization

nikonjourno

nikonjourno

Member
[b-rollTV]3693[/b-rollTV]

To everyone who saw the bad one before it was a fcp issue that I fixed. Replaced it with the original. Please give me some suggestions. Thanks!

Story about the revitalization of downtown Phoenix. It focuses on the efforts being put forth by the city, county, state and private sector to make downtown Phoenix once again a 24/7 destination.

All feedback welcome. I am a senior journalism student at ASU's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and am looking for critiques to help me improve my work. I shoot, write and edit all of my packages for school.

Thanks in advance!

Jeremy
 
Last edited:
cyndygreen1

cyndygreen1

Well-known member
Your first five or ten seconds need to GRAB THE AUDIENCE and hold them. Both your visuals and narration didn't do that with me.

And a statement that is forceful rather than bland. Instead of "you may have noticed that downtown is changing" try loud nats and then something like "changes have altered the face of downtown." Intersperse nats with your narration to keep up the pace. Oh - and please don't show people's backs. Show people being active.

Good framing on interview/should use a fill light.

Yeah - you moved so your standup is asymmetrical! Next, move in closer to the camera. Try walking from off camera to on-camera.

Jump cut in editing after standup (traffic shot). Overall, steady shooting, but nothing exciting. You've got the framing and exposure down...now work on shots that make the story visually alive. Your ending shots are just as important as your opener - you want to make your audience stay and you want to leave them with a memory...but not of a guy typing.

One of the biggest challenges is making the non-visual story visually exciting. Sometimes you can do better with a shorter story/maybe a minute rather than 1:33. Adding nats...also using your voice to entice the audience.

Again...as a student, you're on the right track. Keep practicing.
 
M

MikeW

Active member
I have to agree with Cyndy. Your open should be much stonger. Maybe a series of nats from passersby would have be a better opener. You sounded sleepy in your voiceover and the stand up. Watch for shadows. When you walked under the light pole it casts a weird shadow on your eyes.

Remember to give your viewers a reason to care about the story. What does it mean to them?

Instead of doing the interviews in the office you could have done a walk down the street.
 
nikonjourno

nikonjourno

Member
Thanks @MikeW and @cyndygreen! Cyndy, the jump cut was a fcp issue. That was not apart of my original piece. LOL. I deleted the video and uploaded the correction, pheew. I'm glad not many had seen it yet so not too many folks think I'm a maroon. Sorry about that. I uploaded the bad one to you tube too, geez. Had to replace that one too.

MikeW, I like the suggestions on the nats from you and Cyndy. Sounds great! With the interview though I don't think I could do a walk down the street and interview someone at the same time with the little handheld HDV's. I don't think I am that good of a photog yet. I think it would be easier with the PMW-350's at the news station I am working at this semester though. Permitted I could use one. Thanks again to you both!

P.S. Anyone know how to edit a thread to put my new video in after the fact? Since I'm brand new I can't figure it out.
 
nikonjourno

nikonjourno

Member
I figured out how to edit the original thread post. Nevermind!

"And a statement that is forceful rather than bland. Instead of "you may have noticed that downtown is changing" try loud nats and then something like "changes have altered the face of downtown." Intersperse nats with your narration to keep up the pace. Oh - and please don't show people's backs. Show people being active."

@Cyndy - I'm going to do my narration over again. I didn't write in the active voice there's no doubt about that. I really need to work on my voice too. I haven't found my "TV voice" yet. I'm working with all the reporters here at the station to help me with that.

And those dang shadows on my face I didn't notice until after it was too late to change it before turning it in. This one man band thing is harder than I thought it was going to be. How nice it would be to have a photog. :)
 
M

MikeW

Active member
There are three B-Rollers here on this site you should study: Darren Durlach, Peter Rosen and Joe Little. You can find them also on YouTube.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top