Well obviously, the correct answer to this question is my ancient Sony TRV-130 Handycam. I can buy more batteries for it at Best Buy, and the Hi-8 tapes it uses are DIRT CHEAP! It came with some cables that make it look "cool" when I plug it in to my tv, and it has a widescreen option somewhere at the very bottom of its menu system, so it must be hi-def or whatever the eggheads are calling it these days.
Oh, its small enough that I don't have to shoot from a tripod. How do I keep the shot from shaking? Well, there's a button right on top that says "Sony Steadishot". And everyone knows that George Lucas or whoever used the SAME thing when he filmed the speeder bike scenes in Return of the Jedi. I watched the movie with a bunch of guys that almost graduated from film school, and THEY said it was filmed with Steadishot cameras- and I don't know about you, but everyone that's ever been to film school ALWAYS talks about how they know everything and how they're so great. Well, THEY went to school for it, so who am I to tell them otherwise?
No one has to worry about audio, because it has a BUILT IN STEREO MICROPHONE RIGHT UNDERNEATH THE LENS. There's still a big sticker on the side that says 750X ZOOM. All I can say to that is: "FRIGGIN' AWESOME". I cannot believe this cost only $350 back in 2000! It's got that "nightshot" thing too, and I saw that they used that night-vision feature in Cloverfield, so this camera MUST be used on high-end productions. It's perfect for shooting out in the field because everything is completely automatic! While the people from the local news station are fiddling with the knobs on their lenses and holding white pieces of paper in front of them, I'm already shooting the action. Why doesn't everyone have auto-focus and auto-exposure? Heck, just give me AUTO EVERYTHING.
In short, this camera is the pinnacle tool in video production. After I get done with the 6-hour travel academy mail-in certification thing, this camera will propel me to the top of the corporate ladder. Windows and doors of opportunity will be opening so fast, I'll get knocked over!